emptiness...

i sat all alone in my office..
reading those bloody book that i have to finish read..
and suddenly there's a tears wall my eyes..
suddenly i feel so empty..
i didn't knew if what i'm gonna do..
is what i really want..
not now.. not ever..

one time ago.. i really want this bloody job..
the job that i will attend the interview this coming Thursday..
i didn't say i will get the job..
hell.. i never thought that i will ever being called to the interview...
it's da one job that's so hard to get pass each level..
but this the only job that i keep wanting n wanting n wanting..
after my ambition to become a teacher flop..
*yeah yeah.. laugh all u want.. i don't bloody care*
*but FYI, all this time.. become like my dad is what i want for my future*
*maybe it's not my place to be.. bukan rezeki org kata..*
end of flashback..
i never want other job like i want this bloody job..
but hey.. doesn't meant i didn't like my job now..
i love it so much..
infact i bet i will never find this great kind of job..
it just everyone have their own vision n mission rite..
so am i..

but now.. i didn't know if my aim is a good one for me..
coz if i pass this interview (which i hope so..)
i will be send away from my home..
the safe zone that i built years n years ago..
there's no pinky that waiting for me to lay down with her..
there's no four blue wall that will hide me from da world..
and especially there's no mum to comfort me whenever i want her..
not like if i'm still here..
i can ran back home if i need to hug her..
or having a shoulder to cry on..
or to have a meal if i'm famish..
n those 'without' thought make me feel like hell..
feel the emptiness clouding my mind.. my soul..
God.. what i'm gonna do now..??
what should i do..??

i just pray that whatever happens to me..
will be the very best for me n my family..
especially my lovely mum..

because there's somewhere in my mind..
that trigger n told me..
if it's meant to be.. it is meant to be...
and i really need to learn how to accept 'thing'..

just be sTRoNG fila...